Rosalie's Kindness
by ILikeOranges
Summary: Rosalie is being "nice" to Jacob! Crack Fic.


**This is a short spur-of-the-moment thing for an Idea I got. I don't mean to insult ANY fans of any character! This is mainly for MY entertainment!  
But either way  
ENJOY!  
Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight...O well...I can still write about it I guess...**

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Rosalie's "Kindness"

"Get out of here you stupid mutt!" Rosalie screeched as she shooed Jacob out of the house after he made several more "Dumb Blond" jokes.

"Sheesh, get a sense of humor" He muttered as he looked around looking for something else to do while Renesmee was sleeping. He noticed Bella's scent along a trail and decided to go find her. But after following the path for a while, Edward's scent mixed in and he decided to skip THAT conversation.

After a while of wondering mindlessly, he decided to sneak into the Cullen house and watch Renesmee for a while instead while she slept. He quietly jumped up on the roof and, as quickly as he could, leapt into the nearest window since most of the Cullens were off hunting again"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" was the only thing Edward and Bella could hear a moment later.

**********

"Why is Jake screaming now? Did Rosalie threaten to kill him again? O…wait, she does that everyday… What happened?" Bella asked her husband when he sat up from the bed, in their cottage after being interrupted by Jacob's horrified screaming.

He closed his eyes and listened carefully to their thoughts and chuckled. "Jacob just walked mindlessly through a window in the house and walked right into Rosalie and Emmett's room while they were…preoccupied…and now Jacob's thoughts keep on replaying the scene with more and more disgust as he couldn't stop his mind and Rosalie ... was in her bra so she quickly slipped on a shirt and now their yelling at each other. Emmett is … uncomfortable for some reason… O wait…he's just nervous because he's butt naked, Jacob's in the room, and he's worried that the blanket isn't big enough to hide under and they are on both sides of the bed arguing. He's wondering if they would notice if he ran into the hall to get his pants. Rosalie is pissed off and thinks Jacob is a pervert and Jacob is disgusted and thinks Rosalie purposely didn't lock her windows to disgust him. It's quite the scene in there. Luckily, Renesmee is used to all the noise, otherwise she would be wide awake and very annoyed by now. " He finished while trying very hard not to laugh since Jacob was his wife's friend, but he ended up letting out a roar of laughter after hearing another humorous thought.

"So do you want to go stop them before they tear each other apart?" Edward asked while secretly hoping that they could stay and continue making-out.

It took Bella about half a second to think when she said "No way! I'm not done with you yet and they REALLY need some bonding time!" she finished with a smile.

Edward immediately agreed and pulled her towards him…

**********

_Meanwhile at the Cullen's house…_

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU PERVERT MUTT?!?!?!?!?!?" Rosalie screamed at the horrified and disgusted Jacob.

"Uhhhhh…" He was out of words as he covered his eyes until Rosalie pulled some more clothes on.

"Are you so idiotic and perverted that you would Walk IN ON ME AND MY HUSBAND?!?!? TRY THE DOOR FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" She continued as Emmett was desperately trying to cover himself with the thin blanket.

"HEY! It's not my fault you guys don't close your windows when you…uhhhh…" he didn't want to finish the sentence but Rosalie got the point.

"WELL USE THE FRIGGIN DOOR!!!!!!!! IT'S THERE FOR A REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"You wouldn't have let me in anyways! And I wanted to see Nessie!"

"That's because you're a SMELLY MUTT!!!"

"Well, YOU'RE A SMELLY BLOODSUCKER!!!"

Emmett looked back and forth in their argument and was thinking VERY hard _EDWARD!!!!!!!!! PLEASE COME RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!!! I PROMISE I WON'T MAKE ANY MORE JOKES ABOUT YOU OR BELLA'S SEX LIFE FOR MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!! I NEED SOME PANTS!!!!!!!!! O COME ON!!!!!!! JACOB IS HERE!!!!!!!_ But after realizing that Edward wasn't listening, he gave up and just tried to stay covered until Jacob left.

"What do you have? Eternal PMS or something? Your so BITCHY ALL the time!"

"What's YOUR excuse? Mental RETARDATION? Lack of BRAIN CELLS?"

"NO! I just happen to have gotten nearly all straight A's in my last report card before I graduated!" _Actually…more like 3 A's and 8 B's with 2 C's but CLOSE ENOUGH! She doesn't have to know! _He mentally corrected.

"By nearly you probably mean only 2 or 3 A's and the rest as C's" She said with a smirk.

Jacob's brain froze as he tried to think up a good comeback but ended up just muttering "Slut…"

"THAT IS IT!!!!!!!! YOU ARE NOW BANNED FROM THIS HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!"

"defiantly PMS…" Jacob said.

"JUST GO AWAY YOU RETARDED, SMELLY, MUTT!!!!!"

"Why do you have to be so bitchy all the time…" he mumbled as he started to turn towards the window.

"FINE, you want me to be nicer? I'll be nice!" she said putting on her nicest smile. "Close your eyes and count to 5…"

"What are you going to do?!? Your not gunna kiss me are you?!?!" He said with actual worry in his voice.

Both Emmett and Rosalie scowled but Rosalie said in her kindest tone "Of course not! Just close your damn eyes!"

"Fine…1..OUCH!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" He yelled as Rosalie kicked him in his "lower area".

"I'm being 'nicer' and I'm giving you the time it would have taken to count from 2 to 5 to grovel in pain." She smiled while Jacob rolled up in the fetal position on the floor. "He's so gullible that it's sad…" Jacob heard her mutter as she walked away to another room and pulled Emmett with her.

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**I Hope you liked it! If you are wondering why Emmett was so quiet, it's because he was busy trying not to draw attention to himself since he was naked. Please REVIEW and check out my other fanfics as well! I will write a LOT more when I feel like it! This is intended to be a single chapter story but I will extend it if I get enough reviews(and time) so PLEASE REVIEW!!!!  
THANKS FOR READING!!!!!!!! :)**


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